Curious about Stereotypes: How Harmful Are They?

The other day, at the end of another fitness instructor’s class, I heard her welcome a new participant. He was an older man with blue eyes, a fair complexion and a heavy accent. This instructor is caring and always encouraging - especially of the newer students.

She asked him where he was from, and when he answered, “Pakistan,” I was shocked to hear her answer, “That’s a surprise! I thought everyone from there would have black hair and dark brown eyes.” At least, she did not go so far with her stereotyping to also say, “Dark skin.”

This started me thinking about how often we all deal with thinking and believing in stereotypes and how harmful this can be.

Let me begin by giving some definitions:

1. A conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image.
2. One that is regarded as embodying or conforming to a set image or type.
3. To characterize by a stereotype: “Elderly Americans are the neglected sector of the fashion industry, stereotyped by blue hair and polyester pantsuits” (American Demographics).

I submit to you that we all do this - whether consciously or unconsciously - and it can be terribly harmful. For example, the teacher stereotype has been around for a long time (I even read this same statement in a current e-newsletter):

Writing in the Profession of Teaching in 1901, a Boston educator, James P. Monroe, wrote, “The aphorism attributed to George Bernard Shaw, `He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches,’ appears to have wide credence among intellectuals and educated groups. Primary and secondary teaching are often seen as a refuge for mediocre people who are industrious but unimaginative and uncreative.”

Just reading the above reminded me of how so many of us believed this, both when I was in college for the first time in the 50s and then when I returned to study art in the 70s.

Being involved in the fitness industry - I teach eleven to twelve classes a week - I realized when I started to write this blog, how in the past I tended to stereotype those people I see with huge, obese bodies. Why didn’t they have enough discipline to eat less and exercise more? I work at this constantly myself.

Recently, however, I listened to some tapes of Oprah Winfrey describing her battle with overweight. I heard her pain and could really relate. Even though she was so successful as a TV personality, she didn’t even want to accept an award because she was so ashamed of her overweight body. By hiring a trainer, she has embraced control. But not many people have the means or the incentive to accomplish what she has. Now, at least, I have stopped stereotyping others for their large bodies and am doing all I can to help and encourage them.

It is also a tendency to stereotype our children and other family members. Oh yes, “Chris has a mind for numbers, but lacks a sense of rhythm,” came out of my mother’s mouth every time she told people she was sending me to ballet classes and piano lessons. This made teaching aerobics even more difficult than I had ever imagined - until, that is, I discovered that many struggle with keeping time with the music.

Ashley Olsen addressed this, “Lizzie plays club volleyball and Trent is an amazing writer. We're lucky our parents didn't stereotype us, so we could figure out who we are for ourselves.”

So, I am asking you how you stereotype. And, is it harmful (usually is)?

I challenge you to work at overcoming the stereotypes that you believe in, and do send me your comments.

Curious about Con Artists: You Find Them in Unlikely Places - My Story

“In a broad strokes definition, fraud is a deliberate misrepresentation which causes another person to suffer damages, usually monetary losses.”

Being up-front and honest, I am always surprised when I encounter others who deliberately lie, cheat and misrepresent. It makes sense to be skeptical and cover all bases. I have just re-learned this the hard way. Let me tell you the story.

At the end of June, I received an e-mail from a woman who had found my name and e-mail address on a freelance directory website that I had signed up with a long time ago. She was looking for someone who could take existing photos of her friend and superimpose the images on different backgrounds (like Paris, London, etc.). She wanted about five or six for a slide show to be shared at her friend’s 30th birthday party.

It sounded like a fun project, and because I had some extra time over the fourth of July weekend, I sent her a really reasonable quote per photo. She felt it was a good deal - and it was, because like any project of this type, it took longer and more work than I had foreseen. But, I am getting ahead of myself.

She sent me a bunch of digital photos of her friend - mostly grouped with other people - and a folder of small, blurry photos taken in Thailand. She now wanted him superimposed with different shots of Thailand in the background. No problem. I subscribe to photo suppliers and found some great Thai photos.

The friend’s photos posed another challenge because they were taken in bad lighting and none of them were full body shots which would fit nicely on the backgrounds. Using filters and my other photo editing tools, I came up with a several tries until I sent samples that my new client liked.

At this point, I created eleven photos - all that worked well - and sent them off, telling my contact that she could have all and still only pay for six, which was the number quoted in the original e-mail. She then asked how she should pay. I suggested either by check or PayPal - she chose a check. As of today, I have not received it, even though I have e-mailed her several times.

Now, you will hear why I should have been skeptical right from the start and how I could have avoided using my time and talents for nothing but a disappointment in human nature.

All I have and required of this woman was faith in her e-mail, hotmail address. Right now, you are probably admonishing me for being so naïve. Take note, in case something like this happens to you in the future.

This is how I would handle it now:

1. Ask for 1/2 of the fee upfront before even starting the project.
2. Once the eleven photos were completed (I would still go that “extra mile” with more photos than requested), I would post small versions of them on a web page that the client could visit and see what they were going to receive, but in small thumbnail versions that wouldn’t work for a slide show.
3. Then, as soon as I received the final 1/2 of the payment, I would send them off, as I did so willingly, in their full size to the client.

I learned a lesson, to say the least, and I hope by sharing it with you, you will be beware of the “Con Artists” that are lurking among us.

I would also love to hear any stories you might have about being “conned” by these clever, but fraudulent folks.

Curious about Control? Happiness or Pain?

Today, while I was driving home from the gym coupled with running a few errands, I heard snippets of a National Public Radio (NPR) show about happiness. The parts that I heard were not only interesting, but also affirming.

It was stated that discoveries are being made that whether or not we are disposed to happiness, depression or anxiety is being traced to our genetic makeup. And also, that even if we feel there is something - like achieving great material wealth - that would make us happy, once we accomplish it, we find that it just becomes a common and accepted part of our lives.

The part of the discussion that held the most meaning and affirming quality for me was when the panel was asked what produced the most happiness. The answer was “control.” They were not referring to someone else controlling us - I have worked for several “control freaks” which only produces pain and frustration. They were talking about us being in control of our lives and our destiny.

I know that this is why I am so happy - even though I sometimes feel guilty that I am not striving to become a millionaire. I control how I spend my days and nights. I am also in control of my health, my living conditions, my work, my social life, my entertainment, my involvement in activities, and the list goes on and on.

As you know, I love to find out what other people think and have said about a topic, so here are a few of the wonderful “control” quotes that I found:

• Barbara De Angelis expressed my thoughts completely, “No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”
• Albert Bandura mirrored what I tell my fitness classes, “By exercising control over a few healthy habits, people can live longer, healthier lives and slow the process of aging.”
• And even Buddha expressed, “To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”

I would be remiss if I didn’t also include some of my favorite self-improvement gurus. Yes, I know this is a bit repetitious, but as Jane Fonda wrote, “We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.”

• My life-changer, Tony Robbins, said, “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you.”
• Another influencer, Brian Tracy, said, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
• And, finally, Mark Victor Hansen suggests, “You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own.”

That’s enough for now, but before I close and because I have you, I hope, in a happy state, let me direct you to a website that was mentioned on the NPR program today. You know how the news is generally “bad.” Well, there is now a website called Happy News that puts a positive spin on the news. "All the news that's fun to print." I think you will enjoy it.

And, take control! You will be happy you did.

Curious about Ownership - How Does It Benefit You and Your Company?

“The basic principle which I believe has contributed more than any other to the building of our business as it is today, is the ownership of our company by the people employed in it.” ~ James E. Casey

Last evening, my flight from Oklahoma City via Huston finally landed around midnight. I boarded the shuttle to the “Park and Fly” lot. This was the alternative to parking at the airport - which is unbelievably costly - that a good friend who travels often told me about. You park in their lot, they shuttle you to and from the airport and charge about half of what the airport parking costs.

I had visited their website before leaving for my trip and found a coupon that offered an additional savings off the total price for each day.

Two men were on the shuttle, so I asked if either had found, copied and cut out the coupon. I was shocked when both of them answered that they didn’t “need to worry about that. My boss pays the amount when I submit it. It’s his problem - not mine.”

Yes, I know that I am an independent contractor with ownership of my company, and I watch for unnecessary expenses. These men obviously felt no company ownership for the businesses in which they worked. What a shame. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that even when I have worked for other companies, I have always felt like a partner and/or owner.

It makes a huge difference! When you feel ownership where you are working, you also feel a sense of pride in the company and in yourself. When I worked at the Cooker Bar & Grille, we could choose to put an amount of our bi-weekly paycheck into company stock. Those of us who made the choice to do it wore a special gold nametag - which I designed, by the way - that said “Cooker Partner” under our name.

When guests asked what that meant, it was the perfect opportunity to show our sense of ownership and pride.

Thinking over ownership a bit more deeply, I realized that my ability and tendency to feel a sense of ownership for any project I am working on is a true USP (Unique Selling Proposition).

For example, when I have designed websites for community development corporations (CDCs), I have visited and spent hours in their communities. I have attended their festivals and talked to business owners and residents in that community's area. Recently I worked on a website for a pre-K to grade 8 school. I spent lots of time observing, interviewing, taking photos and just getting a real feel for the school. I now have ownership.

How about you? Do you feel ownership for the company where you work? Are you looking out for them and the ways you can help to enhance the business? If you have clients, do you partner with them and show concern for their businesses?

I suggest, if you are not doing it now, that you start. You will be amazed by what a difference it will make to them and even more to you. Try it, you’ll like it!

Curious about Reading: Do You Do It, How Much and What Kind?

As far back as I can remember – and I have lived many years - I have been a voracious reader.

As a matter of fact, when I was working my way through Julia Cameron’s life changing, twelve week program, The Artist’s Way, the one week I had the most trouble following her assignment was when we were not supposed to listen to the radio, watch TV or read anything. TV was no problem, radio was severely missed, but I broke down and read before the week was over.

What brought all of this to mind was when I received Fred Gleeck’s recent e-newsletter yesterday, in which he started with, “Do you ever feel `guilty’ that you aren’t reading enough? I sure do. There is so much out there that I should have read and even more coming out every week that I should be keeping up with.”

Gleeck continued by suggesting alternating between fiction and non fiction and then tells the hilarious story, “Years ago I sat next to Ted Koppel (Nightline) on a flight and asked him his three favorite works of fiction. He looked at me like I had just asked him to take off his pants. Clearly he doesn’t (or didn’t) read much fiction and the question made him uncomfortable.”

I like the idea of alternating between fiction and non fiction. And yes, I do have many new books I haven’t read yet. This is the way I am happily rationalizing a 5 ½ hour flight – each way – that I will be taking this week to Oklahoma City. I should be able to finish at least two books and possibly, three or four.

I don’t consider myself a “speed reader,” yet I can finish fast, using a method I learned from Brian Tracy to use with non fiction. There was a time that I felt guilty if I didn’t read every word, every chapter, or every article in a magazine. Now, I quickly read the description on the back cover to determine if the book will be worth my time. Then, I go to the Table of Contents and mark the chapters and in magazines the articles that I feel will be of interest and will be worthwhile.

I have learned how to skim for the essence, and when I hit a meaningful paragraph and/or phrase, I will highlight it. I have also noticed that my favorite magazines (like Fast Company, for example) distill the information down into numbered and succinct points and descriptions making it a Fast read.

Gleeck also suggested that we try to read something we might not normally pick. “If you are a die hard liberal, pick up a book by a `crazy’ conservative. If you’re a Libertarian like me, read something by a socialist. If your beliefs are solid, they will stand up to questioning.”

My biggest challenge has always been that I love reading so much that I do try to read everything that crosses my path, and so many e-newsletters and e-books can offer additional distractions. Again, I tend to rationalize that all of the successful people I know read constantly and also admonish us to read, read and read some more to get ahead.

Interestingly, Gleeck, who is known as the guru of info product creation, prefers physical books. However, he has written many top-selling e-books, and to build his distribution list actually gives away copies of five of these great and information-laden e-books. You can get them by visiting http://www.FredGleeck.com/ebooks (note: I don’t get any commission for this – just the satisfaction of introducing you to the work of a man I admire highly and from whom I have learned a huge amount).

And one more reading aid that I must mention before I bring this blog to a close is listening. I suggest getting in the habit of listening to tapes and/or CDs and/or recorded computer interviews and teleseminars. This has been a habit that I developed more than 17 years ago. I can’t begin to even measure how much this habit has changed my life over those years. I feel that I have learned from the best and read the best (even including the classics).

Well, it is time for me to do some reading. Do make a comment! I love reading them.

Curious about Independence - What Does It Mean to You?

“In the progress of personality, first comes a declaration of independence, then a recognition of interdependence.” - Henry Van Dyke

In honor of the Fourth of July, I decided to write about “Independence.” Several of the few e-newsletters that I allow myself to read - remember I cut way back to create more time - have talked about freedom, independence and beliefs this week.

It has truly made me think about how I value my freedom and my independence. Yes, we do depend upon others as George Bernard Shaw wrote, “Independence? That's middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.” And yet, in other words by Brigham Young, “True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.”

I love the fact that I live the life of being free and independent enough to make my own choices, to do what I love doing and live a life where every day is an adventure. Is this what independence means to you? Or, I should be more specific, what does independence mean to you?

As you know by now, I love searching for meaningful quotations that relate to the subject at hand, and also make us think. Here are a few that I hope will clarify your thoughts:

• French actress Virginie LeDoyen expresses it so well, “I think a spirit of independence is really important, and not just for a woman. I'm always interested in characters - not just as an actress, but as a spectator, too - who have their own way of being, of living, even if it's not the best way, or even if it's unstable or sometimes mean.”
• Henry Ford warns us, “If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.”
• Abraham Lincoln made the strong statement, “You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.”
• And Edward Vernon Rickenbacker agreed whole heartedly, “The four cornerstones of character on which the structure of this nation was built are: Initiative, Imagination, Individuality and Independence.”
• In the words of the sage, Ralph Waldo Emerson, “It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion, it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but the great man is he who, in the midst of the world, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”

I am separating out Herbert Hoover’s take on our country, because isn’t this what we are celebrating tomorrow? “My country owes me nothing. It gave me, as it gives every boy and girl, a chance. It gave me schooling, independence of action, opportunity for service and honor. In no other land could a boy from a country village, without inheritance or influential friends, look forward with unbounded hope.”

He was right, too! We have the freedom here to become whoever we aspire and work to be.

In several quotes that I haven’t included, the writers feared that we are punished for independent thought and actions. I have found that when we think independently, we may receive criticism. But, just remember, even if lots of people don’t agree with us, we still have the freedom to express our views.

As one of the members of a discussion group to which I belong said, “Dissent is good. It makes us think and clarify.”

Have a wonderfully independent day tomorrow - no matter where you live!