Curious about Exceptions - To the Rules or Otherwise

“There are no exceptions to the rule that everybody likes to be an exception to the rule.” - Charles Osgood

“How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.” - Alfred de Musset

I am sure that you have heard it as often as I have - and have even said it as often - “There is always an exception to the rule.” Yes, as Osgood stated, we all not only like being an exception to the rule, we also feel that we are. This can be both good and helpful or bad and damaging.

Growing up, I was one of those young women who loved horses and horseback riding. I was taught from the beginning that if you were thrown off or fell off your horse for any reason, it was important that you climbed right back on. Otherwise, the next time you rode, you would be apprehensive, and, of course, the horse would know that and take advantage of the situation. This served as a good lesson for leading life with exception.

What do I mean? I feel that anytime we experience a failure or a setback, without exception, we get back up and keep on trying. In most cases, this exception to the norm works. Many give up. I have found, however, in reading about success and successes that a majority of those who succeed have already experienced the pain of failure(s) and just got back up and kept on keeping on.

I like to consider myself an exception, so three weeks ago when I fell down before teaching my three scheduled fitness classes, I got back up and proceeded to teach all three. Not only did I teach them, I tried to keep on working out. After all, I felt that I would heal faster from working out than sitting or lying around (remember, I am an “exception”).

After the pain became unbearable, I went to Sports Medicine, had new x-rays taken, surgery for my hip fracture, and am presently pursuing non-active projects. I am not suggesting that we shouldn’t get back up and keep on trying. I am suggesting, however, that in most cases we should take the time to examine our fall, failure or setback:

• Is there a better and different direction we should try?
• Or, do we just need to do some tweaking?
• What did we learn from this?
• How can we apply what we learned in the future?
• What is our attitude? Whining, moaning and groaning won’t get us anywhere.
• What good will or can come from this?

When I looked up “exception” and “exceptional” I found some interesting quotes, so here are a few:

• “There are two great rules in life, the one general and the other particular. The first is that every one can in the end get what he wants if he only tries. This is the general rule. The particular rule is that every individual is more or less of an exception to the general rule.” - Samuel Butler
• “When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.” - Emile Coue
• “You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception.” - Victor Kiam
• “Now the medical profession is saying something different. Every one of the doctors without exception is saying, ‘Build muscle.’” - Jack LaLanne
• “With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere.” - C. S. Lewis
• “For example, I tend to personally reward myself for specific acts of exceptional discipline.” - Robert Vaughn

To leave us all with some inspiration, Jean Huston wrote, “I firmly believe that all human beings have access to extraordinary energies and powers. Judging from accounts of mystical experience, heightened creativity, or exceptional performance by athletes and artists, we harbor a greater life than we know.”

Curious about Acceptance - We Need to Accept What Is

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” - George Orwell

“Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” - William James

Those two quotations are speaking to me. Two weeks and four days ago I suffered an injury while picking up gym equipment before teaching my usual three fitness/aerobics classes in a row. Foolishly feeling that I was OK, I went ahead and taught. Not smart.

But, let me back up a bit. I have been doing vigorous aerobics and fitness classes for 22 years and teaching them for 14 1/2 years. Besides a few of the common muscle aches and pains, I have never had an injury. And, when I have had a pain, it was always gone within a few days. So, I convinced myself that with a bit of working out, I would be back to normal in no time.

James Fixx sums up my feelings, if we substitute the words ‘group fitness exercise’ for ‘running,’ “The qualities and capacities that are important in running - such factors as will power, the ability to apply effort during extreme fatigue and the acceptance of pain - have a radiating power that subtly influences one's life.”

Right now I am having trouble accepting the “pain.” There is plenty of it - so much so, that I have an appointment this coming Tuesday at a Sports Medicine Clinic and am also considering taking off the whole month of February from teaching. I generally teach 8 to 11 classes a week. Stopping for a month doesn’t appeal, but I am beginning to think that it will be wise.

Known for my positive attitude and the old cliché, “turning lemons into lemonade,” I have accepted that I am out-of-commission and am looking at the positive side of my situation. I do feel that everything happens for a reason. The positive is that I have a number of writing and website projects in the offing. If I am forced to retire from the hours at the gym for a month, I know that I will be able to not only focus completely on these projects, but will also be able to complete many of them.

Most of us also have heard the statement over and over again, “It’s not what happens to you that is important. It is how you handle what happens to you.” I figure that this may be a wake up call for me for several reasons. I will now have much more compassion for those who suffer with chronic pain. I will understand how hard it can be to accept unforeseen mishaps. And, I will be overly grateful for my usual healthy, energetic and pain free physical shape (once I get it back, that is).

It also spurred me to look up some quotations on acceptance, which I think you will enjoy:

• “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” - Nathaniel Branden
• “If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is ‘the quiet acceptance of what is.’” - Wayne Dyer
• “The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
• “Not only must the message be correctly delivered, but the messenger himself must be such as to recommend it to acceptance.” - Joseph B. Lightfoot
• “'Age' is the acceptance of a term of years. But maturity is the glory of years.” - Martha Graham

What have you had to accept recently? How did it work out? Thank you for giving me the chance to write my opinions and, in this case, examine deep down how I feel. I am accepting my challenge much more effectively.

I will leave you with this final thought by Ralph Marston, “The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.”

Curious about Habits - Adopting the Good and Abandoning the Bad

“Habits are formed by the repetition of particular acts. They are strengthened by an increase in the number of repeated acts. Habits are also weakened or broken, and contrary habits are formed by the repetition of contrary acts.” - Mortimer J. Adler

“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” - Stephen Covey

This is the time of year where we are making goals and resolutions. Many of them depend upon either adopting good habits or abandoning bad habits. Most self improvement experts suggest that it takes 21 to 30 days to form a habit.

I suggest that it may take a bit longer. In the fitness world, we who teach realize that our classes will be overflowing through the third week of January. Then, those who have been working out consistently often start missing a day here and there. This is followed by missing a week, then a month, and we will see them next January. It is a shame, but it reinforces my belief that it takes longer than 21 to 30 days to develop a habit - good or bad.

I feel that I am quite disciplined and accomplish many of the tasks I set for myself. My good habit is hard and consistent work. However, I have been talking for months about my work on a book proposal. This seems to be the one task that I just am not finding enough time for.

Bo Bennett’s following statement puts me to shame. “Not managing your time and making excuses are two bad habits. Don't put them both together by claiming you ‘don't have the time.’” I think I have found a solution. Several writers have suggested that we create an Excel sheet with 1000 squares. Each square represents an hour of writing (for me it will be writing my book proposal), which we check every time we complete an hour.

This same idea will work for hours of exercise, learning/practicing a new skill and working on a large project. Keeping a daily journal presents another alternative for keeping track of our progress on habit breaking and/or making. Just remember that we can often replace a bad habit with a new, good one.

As you probably know by now, I found many fun and interesting quotations about habits. Let me share a few:

• “Habits are safer than rules; you don't have to watch them. And you don't have to keep them either. They keep you.” - Frank Crane
• “Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.” - Mark Twain
• “Don't let your sins turn into bad habits.” - Saint Teresa
• “Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house.” - Alfred Hitchcock
• “It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man's life is made up of nothing, but the habits he has accumulated during the first half.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky
• “Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.” - Albert Einstein
• “It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” - Benjamin Franklin

Some interesting thoughts from some great thinkers!

I challenge you to pick one habit to abandon and one habit to adopt. I feel strongly that we try to tackle too many at a time. And that is the reason we don’t succeed.

For me, I am going to take the advice given by Charles Dickens, “I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time.”

Also, remember that we can change our own habits - not the habits of others. And, if we could, would we want to? Barbra Streisand sums it up, “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”

What habit are you trying to break and/or make? Leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

Curious about Humor - What Does It Mean to You?

“If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.” - Jennifer Jones

“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.” - William A. Ward

This past week, one of the members of my favorite discussion group brought up the subject of humor and asked us to write back with what “humour” (his spelling) means to us.

Being a speaker, storyteller, fitness instructor and trainer, my immediate answer was the use of humor as an ice breaker and technique for bonding and establishing rapport with your listeners and/or participants. I remember one of my favorite storytellers, Donald Davis, who was working with us at a weekend retreat, explaining the importance of starting a storytelling concert with humor.

He was performing in the area on Saturday night - and we all attended. The room was full and crackling with energy and excitement. Then, the chairwoman of the group hosting the concert started with a long, rambling and boring explanation of the group. You could feel the energy in the room plummet. When Donald started, he didn’t tell just one humorous story, he told two - on purpose. By the time the second one was finished, we were laughing with him and the energy was back in full force.

Another of my favorite storytellers, Elizabeth Ellis, suggests the following structure for your program: start with “ha, ha” followed by “ah, ha”, then “ahh” and end with “amen.” I find that this formula works if I am speaking, storytelling, or leading a fitness class.

Another reaction of mine was the healing power of humor (and laughter). It is not only a great way to deal with problems, pain and adversity, but also a great way to live one’s life and approach one’s work. Back in the late ‘80s I met Steve Wilson who calls himself a joyologist. In the ‘90s I attended one of his laughter retreats.

Steve has been instrumental in forming the World Laughter Tour, Inc. He writes, “I decided to start the World Laughter Tour so that the methods of the East can be combined with ideas of the West to benefit the whole world. I discovered how many people in the Western world were interested in getting advice and guidance from a psychologist who had a solid background in the role of attitudes, emotions, humor and laughter. As a mental health educator and practitioner of therapeutic humor and laughter, I draw from and integrate the best schools of thought, conventional and alternative, to create group and self-care strategies, and show people how to get the most out of themselves and life, and enjoy every minute of it.” Click HERE to visit his website.

I also found a plethora of great quotations about humor. Let me share a few:

• “Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.” - Francis Bacon
• “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.” - Henry Ward Beecher
• “When humor goes, there goes civilization.” - Erma Bombeck
• “Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.” - Victor Borge

And a few more:

• “The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense.” - Jacob August Riis
• “Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.” - Leo Rosten
• “A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” - Hugh Sidey
• “Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.” - Mark Twain
• “The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.” - Peter De Vries

So, what does humor mean to you? We can use it, love it, but not analyze it!

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” E. B. White

Curious about Response - How's Yours?

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor E. Frankl

Yesterday I listened to an Internet radio interview of Jack Canfield. Canfield is the co-author and co-founder of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books and is also well known for his work in self-esteem. Canfield shared the following equation: E + R = O which stands for Event + Response = Outcome.

Having a strong background in self improvement, I believe that Canfield means that our response - whether negative or positive - to an experience will help determine whether the outcome is negative or positive. For example, so many would-be sales people and writers give up after a few rejections, whereas, those who keep on, keeping on usually achieve their goal(s).

We also let comments from others lower our self esteem. When I first started teaching aerobics, a woman who had been a fellow student made the comment, “I thought you were going to be good, but you have no sense of rhythm and didn’t motivate me at all.” I was nearly devastated - my mother had sent me to ballet and piano classes when I was young, because “I had no sense of rhythm.” Fortunately, I didn’t respond by giving up and today, fourteen years later, I am still teaching at three different clubs to overflowing classes.

As I looked into the word “response” I discovered many different reactions, meanings and uses. They each open up a whole way of thinking, acting and outcomes:

• Lewis Carroll, in one of my favorite books, summed up the popular idea that if you don’t know where you are going, how will you get there? “One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ was his response. ‘I don't know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn't matter.’’’
• Arnold Schwarzenegger wisely said, “Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter.”
• While David Herbert Lawrence responds, “The mind can assert anything and pretend it has proved it. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, then I accept.”
• And, Deepak Chopra has a different take, “The physical world, including our bodies, is a response of the observer. We create our bodies as we create the experience of our world.”

In the area of the arts, response is extremely important:

• Rabindranath Tagore defines art, “What is Art? It is the response of man's creative soul to the call of the Real.”
• Sidonie Gabrielle Colette wrote, “To a poet, silence is an acceptable response, even a flattering one.”
• Richard Forman expresses what many artists feel, “Which implies that the real issue in art is the audience's response. Now I claim that when I make things, I don't care about the audience's response, I'm making them for myself. But I'm making them for myself as audience, because I want to wake myself up.”

Here are some ideas about “natural or satisfactory responses:”

• Anne Grant wrote, “Anger is a natural response when something you value is taken away from you. You may feel alone, isolated or not understood.”
• While Russell Hoban considers that, “There are situations in life to which the only satisfactory response is a physically violent one. If you don't make that response, you continually relive the unresolved situation over and over in your life.”
• Rex Julian Beaber believes, “A reservoir of rage exists in each person, waiting to burst out. We fantasize about killing or humiliating our boss or the guy who took our parking space. It is only by growing up in a civilized society of law that we learn the idea of proportionate response.”
• And, Mary Douglas said, “The natural response of the old-timers is to build a strong moral wall against the outside. This is where the world starts to be painted in black and white, saints inside, and sinners outside the wall.”

I hope this investigation into a simple word like “response” has made you think of and be more aware of your responses. I know it has affected me.

I will leave you with a few more to sleep on:

• “Hearts are the strongest when they beat in response to noble ideals.” - Ralph Bunche
• “Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.” - Nikki Giovanni
• “There can be no true response without responsibility; there can be no responsibility without response."- Arthur Vogel

And, for a touch of humor:

• “My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.” - Charles Barkley

I would love to read your response(s).