Curious about Conversation: Is Yours Meaningful? How Can We Break the Conversation Barrier?

“Lettuce is like conversation; it must be fresh and crisp, so sparkling that you scarcely notice the bitter in it.” - Charles Dudley Warner, American journalist

“True happiness arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next, from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions.” - Joseph Addison, English writer

I chose “conversation” for this week’s theme, because I am re-reading – for the umpteenth time - Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People. In his section on “Six Ways to Make People Like You” he delves into Principle 4, which is “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

Because Carnegie practiced this Principle, he was known to be an excellent conversationalist. Several years ago I taught a class called “Breaking the Conversation Barrier” to people who were looking to feel more comfortable when interacting with others. I made use of “Talk It Up” cards that contained open ended questions that could be used to spark conversation. Open ended questions encourage others to talk about themselves and their interests.

Be sure to sincerely listen. It works like magic, and you will be amazed by how much you will learn about that person and his or her interests.

When searching for quotations to share with you, I found a great variety of approaches. And many with a touch of humor.

Let’s start with the more general thoughts:

• “A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American poet
• Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: ‘I do not know.’” - Andre Maurois, French writer
• “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Plato, Greek philosopher
• “The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is that each is thinking more about what he intends to say than others are saying.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French writer
• “Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory.” - Emily Post, American author
• “In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.” - George Herbert, British poet

And, now some with a bit of a negative and/or humorous tone:

• “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” - Winston Churchill, English statesman
• “She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist
• “I just use my muscles as a conversation piece, like someone walking a cheetah down 42nd Street.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austrian actor
• “People say conversation is a lost art; how often I have wished it were.” - Edward R. Murrow, American journalist
• “It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.” - Yogi Berra, American athlete
• “Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.” - Kin Hubbard, American journalist
• “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” - Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist

And, a couple I particularly like:

“The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past centuries.” - Rene Descartes, French mathematician

“The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered, but a general effect of pleasing impression.” - Samuel Johnson, English author

My advice to you is to start enjoying good conversation by asking thoughtful questions and listening with attention to the answers. Have fun “talking it up!” And send me some of your best questions.

Curious about Motivation: What Motivates Us and How Do We Stay Motivated?

“Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.” - Mario Andretti, American celebrity

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar, American author

These quotations answer my title’s questions. And, yet, I feel that there is a lot more to motivation and staying motivated than what Andretti and Ziglar are telling us.

Say we have a huge desire and have written down our goal. We are motivated, excited and “on our way!” You know the feeling. So why do we lose our initial motivation and in turn stop pursuing our goal?

I feel that American athlete Jim Ryun was right when he said, “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

We all have good and bad habits and the word “habit” almost carries a far from favorable connotation. This is because changing a habit and/or developing a new and better habit is hard to do. It takes a lot of daily motivation. Many gurus tell us that this process takes at least 21 days.

My suggestion to you is to devote at least 90 days or more. Being a group fitness instructor of 12 classes a week, I am involved with many students who want to become healthier, lose weight, develop fitness – i.e. feel and look better. All start with the desire that creates the initial motivation. Even though their results start becoming noticeable and their classmates and I offer praise and recognition, the majority lose their motivation and slip back into their original comfort zone and habits. It makes me want to cry.

Why does this happen? Let’s find some clues in some of the great quotations I found:

• “I think a lot of times it's not money that's the primary motivation factor; it's the passion for your job and the professional and personal satisfaction that you get out of doing what you do that motivates you.” - Martin Yan, Chinese celebrity
• “People need motivation to do anything. I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation.” - Jim Carrey, Canadian comedian
• “If someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn't need motivation to speed him up. What he needs is education to turn him around.” - Jim Rohn, American businessman
• “People want a cop-out, listen I'm a realist and I talk about motivation, talk about all the things it takes to be greater or are important to win and people want to use excuses all the time.” - Mike Ditka, American coach
• “Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.” - Les Brown, American businessman
• “There's always the motivation of wanting to win. Everybody has that. But a champion needs, in his attitude, a motivation above and beyond winning.” - Pat Riley, American coach

Three more to take with you:

“Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.” - Norman Ralph Augustine, American author

“Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.” - Dwight D. Eisenhower, American President

“Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity.”- Bo Bennett, American businessman

Tell me, how do you stay motivated and what successes have you realized because of it?

Curious about Failure: Are You Willing to Fail? Do You Admit It to Yourself and Others When It Happens?

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” - Denis Waitley, American writer

Definition of Failure: Want of success; the state of having failed. Becoming insolvent; bankruptcy; suspension of payment; as, failure in business. Failing; a slight fault.

It may seem like I have chosen a negative theme for this week’s blog. What gave me the idea, first of all, was receiving October’s Ode magazine – “For Intelligent Optimists.” On the cover is a man lying on a stairway with his feet on step five and his head and shoulders on the floor. The Headline is: The Upside of Down, Why failure is good for you.

The featured article, In Praise of Failure by Marisa Taylor, is excellent. She covers J.K. Rowling’s commencement speech at Harvard, in which Rowling stated that, “Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.” Taylor also sights the great successes from history who started out as failures: Beethoven, Abraham Lincoln, Carly Fiorina, Winston Churchill, Michael Jordan, Henry Ford and more.

No, failure isn’t a lot of fun. But, I can tell you with certainty, that rather than letting it discourage you, use it to learn and also spur you on to future success. As Rowling shared, go ahead and risk, because in this time of darkness, we have nothing to lose. As I have shared before, I have been involved with network marketing. And, it may be hard to believe with my usual optimism and positive attitude, I have been discouraged and frustrated.

Read my latest article at http://www.freelanceliving.com called Discouraged and/or Frustrated Network Marketers: Here Are Some New Solutions for You

Now, for some expert opinions:

• “To begin to think with purpose is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment.” - James Allen, American author
• “For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.” - Mary Kay Ash, American businesswoman
• “The only risk of failure is promotion.” - Scott Adams, American cartoonist
• “He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being.” - Paul Tillich, German theologian
• “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt, American President
• “Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is... the highway to success.” - Og Mandino, American author

And a couple for you to consider and post nearby:

“Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure.” - Jack Lemmon, American actor

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” - Winston Churchill, English statesman

So, if you are experiencing or have experienced failure, write it down. List what you are or have learned from it. And move on with enthusiasm!

Curious about Mavericks, Rebels and Renegades: Which Are You? Is It Helping or Hurting Your Life and/or Business?

This past week, with the Republican Convention in full swing, we all heard the word “maverick” from the candidates mouths and the press over and over again. I thought it would be fun to consider what and who mavericks are, and how it works for all of us.

Unfortunately, I found so few quotations, I decided to reconsider and bring in the cousins – “rebel” and “renegade.” I also discovered how alike and different all three are. So, let’s get started with the definitions:

Definition of Maverick: In the southwestern part of the United States, a bullock or heifer that has not been branded, and is unclaimed or wild; -- said to be from Maverick, the name of a cattle owner in Texas who neglected to brand his cattle. This way he could claim unbranded cattle (which you can imagine angered other ranchers).

Definition of Rebel: Pertaining to rebels or rebellion; acting in revolt; rebellious. One who rebels. To be disobedient to authority; to assume a hostile or insubordinate attitude.

Definition of Renegade: One faithless to principle or party. An apostate from any form of religious faith. A common vagabond.

Do any of the above pertain to you and/or your approach to life and business? I feel that they all hold a common thread by describing those who don’t “go with the flow” and who don’t embrace all of the accepted rules and procedures.

My main reason for being so interested in not always following the norm is the fact that I have become involved with network marketing. I have discovered that, along with many others who have joined a network marketing opportunity, that the traditional advice about the steps to take to become successful can prove disappointing in results.

So, you can imagine how excited I was to find Ann Sieg and her Renegade System and Mike Dillard’s Building on a Budget and/or his Magnetic Sponsoring Course – all off the beaten track and all making sense and all creating a new level of success in the network marketing industry. Be a maverick, rebel or renegade and check them out. I am using all three systems and loving them!

Now, for a few of the quotations I did find (many more for “rebel” showed up than the other two):

• “The whole world loves a maverick and the whole world wants the maverick to achieve something nobler than simple rebellion.” - Kevin Patterson, Canadian writer
• “What is a rebel? A man who says no.” - Albert Camus, French philosopher
• “Sure, I always chose rebels to identify with - I still do - but to me a rebel isn't so much someone who breaks the law as someone who goes against the odds.” - William Petersen, American actor
• “Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.” - Cathy Guisewite, American cartoonist
• “I started out as an opportunistic renegade. By now, I've lasted long enough to become sort of an American Original Respectable Renegade.” - Wolfman Jack, American entertainer

And a few more in addition:

• “Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive.” - Alan Rickman, British actor
• “Every man who has shown the world the way to beauty, to true culture, has been a rebel, a 'universal' without patriotism, without home, who has found his people everywhere.” - Chaim Potok, American author
• “It is human nature to instinctively rebel at obscurity or ordinariness.” - Taylor Caldwell, American author
• “I've reached a point in my life where it's the little things that matter... I was always a rebel and probably could have got much farther had I changed my attitude. But when you think about it, I got pretty far without changing attitudes. I'm happier with that.” - Veronica Lake, American actress
• “It seems people are more willing to let other people control their minds now and recreational drug use doesn't seem to have that same renegade sense of adventure that it once did.” - Marc Maron, American entertainer

So, I ask again. Are you one or more of the three? Let me know. I would love to hear your story.