Curious about Fear and All of Its Ramifications

The other night I was listening to an audio interview and the main speaker made the startling statement that there is “no such thing as fear.” I say “startling” because even when the great motivators indicate that FEAR stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real,” I still feel strongly that fear exists.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.”

We don’t procrastinate because we are lazy. We procrastinate because we have fears. We have a great idea, but are afraid it will fail. And, it isn’t even the failure that we are afraid of - it’s other people’s opinions of us. We have a job we absolutely hate, but are afraid to quit. Why? We may be afraid of poverty, but more likely are afraid of change and tackling a new course.

Many people are afraid of public speaking (it has been claimed ad nauseum that more people fear it than fear death). But why? Again, I think we are afraid of what others will think of us. We are afraid of criticism and exposing our ideas and thoughts to a group is asking for criticism. To read my article, Fight the Fear of Speaking, click HERE.

When I did a search for fear, however, I was surprised - and I realize that I shouldn’t have been - by all of the links to sites about terror and security, not the types of fears that hold us back from realizing our goals and aspirations. Or, do they?

Wasn’t this the type of fear Franklin D. Roosevelt was speaking of when he said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

And what about fear that warns us to be cautious? For example, you are walking down a dark and rather empty street. Suddenly, there is a stranger approaching. You don’t want to appear afraid, and yet your heart starts beating faster. Or, you get a weird and frightening feeling about the person you are with (possibly a date). You think someone is following you - in a situation like this, shouldn’t one be afraid? I think so!

And fear also has another whole dimension. In an article about anger, I read that all anger is actually rooted in fear. When we or someone else becomes angry it is because we are compensating for a form of fear. At one time I was a newspaper editor, and because it was a small paper I was also the bill collector. Most of our advertisers gladly paid, with apologies, when I reminded them they were late. However, there were a few who would get angry when I showed up. These are the ones who eventually went out of business or bankrupt (we can guess what their fear was).

So, here are a few questions to ask yourself about fear(s):

• What fear(s) are holding me back from taking action on an important project?
• If I am letting something, or someone, cause me a feeling of anger, what is the true underlying fear?
• What fears are keeping me from using my strengths and skills to advantage?
• If I hate a situation, and know I should get out of it, what fears are stopping me?
• What are my greatest fears?

Bertrand Russell said, “To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” I think it’s the beginning of much, much more. When we face our fears and overcome them - a small step at a time - we can change our whole lives.

Just as I tell my fitness students, start slowly and every time you conquer one more fear and/or plateau, reward yourself. You are on the way!

Curious about Checking, Testing, and Staying in Touch with What’s Happening!

What I love about working on the computer and the Internet is facing and solving the every day challenges. I also love the thrill of making everything work the way I want it to. I feel that I pay attention to details and these are what help me with my goal of happy, smoothly working results.

Yesterday, however, didn’t work out that way! It is always humbling to discover past and present errors, and even worse to spend hours correcting and testing them.

It all started with a simple request by a client to purchase a domain name and point it to a page on an existing site. The domain name was available and I proceeded to register it, only to discover that the company where I was performing the registration was assigning the former registrant (which I had set up quite awhile ago) as the contact - I always register my client’s domain names in their name, not mine.

To get the records the way they were supposed to be (and for other domains, too), I was unlocking domains, re-entering contact information and re-locking. Even all of the billing information had to be updated. I was asking myself how I had missed all of this before.

Next, when sending out my bi-weekly e-newsletter, I suddenly discovered that I was missing a whole page of my distribution list of e-mail addresses. Fast fingers were the culprits. I hit the wrong key (which one it was remains a mystery) and because I didn’t realize this until I got to the end of the mailing, I had to reconstruct everything (fortunately, I keep a back up list in another file).

Why am I telling you this? Certainly not to complain or to whine. It is what we storytellers call a “cautionary tale.”

Let me caution you, using what I have learned:

• Check everything you do on the computer at least twice.
• Read the small print (this would have saved me all of the domain name hassle - the information was there, I just hadn't noticed it).
• Test, test and test some more.
• Slow down and concentrate fully.
• Never assume, always confirm.
• When you make any changes - even small ones - take time to check them out (I can’t tell you how many times this has paid off for me when I am updating websites).
• Watch those fast fingers and moments of fuzzy thinking and lack of concentration.
• And, we all should adopt the following as our mantra: save and backup, backup and save!

Happy and problem free computing to all of you! In the future I will be writing about a whole different kind of testing, but I just had to remind you of what can happen when we become complacent.

Curious about the Weather: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I live in Cleveland, Ohio. And yes, when it comes to weather, we are known for an abundance of “gray days” and the unpredictability due to our “Lake Effect.” A good example is last Tuesday when it was sunny with a temperature in the lower 60 degrees, and by Wednesday morning it was snowy, cold, gray and down to the 30 degree range.

A lot of people complain about the weather, but a short essay I heard this morning on NPR made me consider the good, the bad and the ugly of weather.

A man who had moved to “Paradise” - a beautiful spot in California - was bemoaning the fact that they hadn’t had rain for years, and he really missed thunder, lightning and storms in general. Of course, parts of California are now experiencing debilitating rain that is causing terrible mud slides - I can’t even imagine them and the disastrous effects..

One other note about weather that he mentioned was its newsworthiness. It almost overshadows the reporting of crimes, politics and war in the media. When we witness the news about the terrible weather disasters around the world, so many of us - usually secretly - are relieved that we live where we do. Even if our weather isn’t perfect!

So in this short blog, I thought I would list some of the good, the bad and the ugly of weather, as I see it:

• The state of the weather always serves as a good conversational topic - even with total strangers. It is easy to turn to someone and say, “Well, spring should be upon us soon.”
• Weather offers challenges that keep us from ever becoming bored. We have to deal with snow and ice on the roads some days. Other days bring us rain that produces puddles the size of ponds and lightning that robs us of electricity.
• I notice that on the sunny days - whether warm or cold - everyone seems to be in a better mood.
• Personally, I enjoy the change in seasons. One reason is that I enjoy clothes and planning my outfits for the varying times of year.
• When we have a snow like last week’s, the beauty - especially the trees - is breathtaking.
• The change of seasons also brings color and excitement to the eyes. It is fun to experience the ever-changing canvas of the environment. I love flowers and to garden, so thoroughly enjoy working on my small roof garden and waking up to a show of color.
• And being someone who thrives on change, I admit that I enjoy the changing weather.

So, how do you feel about the weather? Are you sick of winter already, or do you live in a paradise without cold and snow? Or, do you love snow like two of my children who live near Vail in Colorado. They live to ski!

Tell me about your good, bad and ugly weather experiences.

Curious about the Power of a "Work Around?"

I spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer. I also have many of the up-to-date software programs that are considered to be “on the cutting edge.” And yet, even though these programs are tops, the more I work with them, the more of their idiosyncrasies I encounter.

What is a computer geek (or geekette) to do when a program doesn’t perform the way it is supposed to?

Creating a “work around” is the answer. After following the steps in the manual (I have all of the manuals) and even asking for help from the gurus in a forum, I have found that with thinking the problem through and testing a variety of choices, I can usually come up with what we in the computer business call a “work around.” It is not always easy or sensible, but it works - it gets us where we want to be with the results we want to have.

Last week I ran into another kind of problem that was computer related, but didn’t happen on my computer. I was launching a website that I had just completed for a client. To make it work smoothly at its new Internet address, I asked the man who also works for the same client to make two simple changes to the current domain name (registered to him). No matter how politely and nicely I begged, he wouldn’t do it.

I couldn’t believe it. I even lost some sleep over it. And then, EUREKA, I planned a “work around.” I found a more descriptive domain name for the website, cancelled the first Internet address, and, within a day, it was happily up and running with its new and better name at a new home on the Internet. Everyone was relieved and happy.

The more I thought about this whole process, I realized how convenient and successful it is to create “work arounds” when there doesn’t seem to be a straightforward solution to a problem.

Many years ago, I decided to go back to college to do some serious work with clay. Yes, you read it correctly. My goal was to become a potter, and when I say “serious” I wasn’t planning to make owls and ash trays as a hobby. I wanted to learn from the best. Unfortunately, Kent State University already had an abundance of art students, and they weren’t at all excited to add “a housewife from the suburbs” to their roster.

The only way I could become registered for an art class was to get a signed permission slip from the instructor of that class. I discovered early on that begging didn’t work. So I created a “work around.” It hadn’t been my initial plan, but when speaking to the instructors I told them that my first degree was in mathematics (the truth) and I wanted to take art classes to create a portfolio so I could get into the Graduate School of Art (not my dream or goal at the time).

The only class I could get a permission slip for in the beginning was a fiber class, so I worked in fiber. In the meantime, I went to the clay instructors and promised I would create the most pots in the class, mix the glazes and fire the kilns. Yes, I got into the clay classes. And, I had talked about graduate school enough, so that I became the only student who was enrolled for an MFA (Master of Fine Arts) with a double major - fiber and clay - in Studio Art.

Over the years, I have used many “work arounds” to solve problems and achieve goals.

To create a successful “work around” I suggest the following:

• Have a goal that is truly important to you, or a pressing problem that has to be solved.
• Believe that you can create a successful “work around” that will benefit all who are involved.
• Try many possible paths and solutions until you find one that works.
• Never give up.

I would love to hear about your “work arounds.” I am sure you have plenty. Keep up the good work!

Curious about Strengths, Weaknesses and Appreciation

In the past week I have had many conversations about how unappreciated good workers and people, in general, are.

So often, if we make a mistake, have perceived weaknesses or do something on our own volition, we are criticized, or even lambasted. Whereas, when our work is exemplary, we hear nothing. It is expected of us, after all.

A perfect example of this is a former boss I had who never complimented anyone, even though we were all working diligently, and, in my opinion, at top form. One day I said to him, “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to say `thank you’ once in awhile.” His answer was, “I say `thank you’ every time I sign your check.” Enough said.

A delightful and wise man and friend, Jack Ricchiuto, has recently written the book, Appreciative Leadership, that addresses this topic. “Inspired by his work with two dozen industries over the past 27 years, corporate coach and author Jack Ricchiuto observes that people do their best work in an appreciative culture where leadership is focused on people's strengths and passions rather than their problems and weaknesses.”

“As it turns out, people do their best work when they work with inspiration and confidence. People want leaders who keep them focused on their capacity for success and engagement.” You will find out more about this inspiring book by clicking HERE.

While we are discussing strengths, I want to recommend the book that had the greatest impact on me and my direction last year. It is called NOW, Discover Your Strengths, by Marcus Buckingham & Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D. Their premise is very much in the same vein as Ricchiuto’s. Discover and work on strengths rather than trying to correct weaknesses (that is if the weaknesses are not actually causing any great harm).

With the purchase of the book and/or tape, you receive a password to the StrengthsFinder Profile that will reveal your top five talents. And, these are not what we usually hear or read listed as talents/strengths. They consist of thirty five signature themes - for example, Arranger, Communication, Developer, Fairness, Ideation, Responsibility, and Strategic, to name a few.

Buckingham and Clifton suggest that we should work to make our strengths even stronger. “For many of us our fear of our weaknesses seems to overshadow our confidence in our strengths. To use an analogy, if life is a game of cards and each of us has been dealt our hand of strengths and weaknesses, most of us assume that our weaknesses trump our strengths... The chief purpose of the StrengthsFinder is not to sum you up or to offer a full character portrait. Instead, the point is to help you achieve consistent near perfect performance - performance that is both excellent and fulfilling.”

There is a whole chapter devoted to managing strengths that is also enlightening for those of us with the strengths to be managed. As an example, one of my signature themes was Maximizer. And the first statement for managing, does suit me perfectly. “This person is interested in taking something that works and figuring out ways to maximize its performance. She may not be particularly interested in fixing things that are broken.” How true.

To wrap up this blog that jumped around a bit, I would suggest showing appreciation for all those around you - do remember to say “thank you” and “great job” often. Encourage others and yourself to work on strengths rather than weaknesses!

And, thank you for stopping by and leaving comments! I really appreciate both!

Curious about a "Portfolio Career" - What Is It?

When I tell people I have a “Portfolio Career,” their eyes light up and they usually ask, “What is it, anyway?”

For those who do not already know me, it is a career that consists of two or more careers - some people think of it as “moon-lighting” or “free-lancing” -but it can be much more than that. Also, the careers can be similar - most of mine involve communications, design and fitness - or they can be completely different. Most of us have many talents!

I teach a class called, “How to Discover Your Core Passion.” Most of the participants are there because they dislike the work they are doing, have been down-sized or are coming out of retirement/home making. I have noticed that quite a few of them become excited when I mention my “Portfolio Career.”

“You mean, it is OK to have more than one career?” they ask. My answer is that whatever works for you is OK, and having a bunch of different careers - which I have consistently had since High School - is not only interesting and exciting, but also FUN!

Of course, there are pros and cons, and a “Portfolio Career” is not for everyone.

When I first started this curiosity blog, I mentioned that I was working with an online assessment tool and would be posting self-assessments and self-tests. My first one is up and running. If you are curious about whether or not you would love having a “Portfolio Career” click HERE and you will be taken to The Portfolio Career Self Test.

You will receive a score with results and an e-mail with all of the questions and your scores. This will give you an idea of what it takes to happily succeed with a “Portfolio Career!”

And, do let me know what you think. Now that I have figured out how to set up assessments and tests, I will be posting many more. What FUN!

P.S. If you are interested, right now my “Portfolio Career” consists of website design/development, marketing, speaking, storytelling, writing, training and teaching fitness classes. And, yes, I love and am passionate about all of them.

Curious about the Mind, the Brain and Thinking

I love to read! I have also subscribed to many, many e-newsletters - my rationale being that because I send out a bi-weekly e-newsletter, Portfolio Potpourri, and an Internet tips e-zine, Internet Tips E-zine, all of these e-newsletters that fill my inbox will give me ideas of what works and what doesn’t.

Being a reader, I tend to read them all, which takes an inordinate amount of time. So, today, I made the decision to start purging those that I feel are either filled with content that I already know and have read and reread or overdo selling the latest hot product.

At this point you are probably wondering when I will get to the topic!

Well, as I started the numerous unsubscribes (and I still have many to go), I realized that there were a few that I will not purge. And two of these are related to the mind, the brain and thinking. Both contain worthwhile topics that make me think and also articles that introduce me to new material that helps me grow.

Every Friday I look forward to the Friday Mind Massage from Maya Talisman Frost. Maya is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training to individuals and groups in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. She always offers a fresh approach that does inspire me and makes me think. You can subscribe to her e-newsletter by clicking HERE.

After subscribing to and receiving for several months the other e-zine, LandOnYourFeet, written and compiled by the brilliant Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler, I finally decided to become a member - and even an Affiliate - of the Quantum Brain Gym. It is incredible what one receives and has access to. I haven’t yet even scratched the surface of what is available, but what I have already experienced is definitely worth the investment.

Just to whet your appetite and interest, you will find:

• Mind Tool-of-the-Month Club: Always a surprise: A NEW premium mind-building personal excellence tool each month. From CDs and books … to e-courses, streaming audio programs and "by-invitation" special teleseminars with Dr Jill and guests. Always FREE to Members, but not to the outside world!
• Quantum Brain Waves Room: A unique collection of special brainwave-engineered audios by Dr Jill, a pioneer brainwave researcher. You are only 10-15 minutes away from clear mental focus, instant stress reduction, enhanced learning, or an amazingly quick mental pick-me-up.
• Sizzling Mind Tools: Today's finest state-of-the-art mind-building tools. Mind-building interactive games, memory builders, supercharged learning programs, and whole brain synchronization CDs and programs. Often at a deep discount for Members.
• "Get A Lift" Motivational Center: A constantly-updated collection of uplifting, inspiring, and motivating "quick-listen" short audio messages and original stories. A great way to start the day, or create a positive mind set. Come keep your motivation cooking … and strengthen your resolve.
• Inner Circle Club: Includes a monthly member's-only ezine, plus a FREE member's-only monthly live teleseminar chat with Dr Jill. Each monthly teleseminar covers a special topic, and then opens for member's questions and comments. Lively and informal. FREE to Members.

And that isn’t all. Visit HERE (my affiliate page) and you will find out more. I suggest you sign up for the free e-zine, LandOnYourFeet, before getting a membership - unless you just can’t wait!

I guarantee you will be glad you did! Let me know what you "think" of these brain and mind tools.